Becoming

Standard

I don’t know how to become that woman.

The one who is fearless.
Who feels great in her own skin.
Is successful.
Funny.
Sexy.
Smart.

The one who makes money all week
climbs mountains on weekends
and has time for family.
For friends.
For lovers.
For Netflix.
For fitness.
And fun.

The one who irons her shirts
cooks.
And cleans.
Pays her bills on time.
Does her taxes.
Washes her dishes.
Hems her pants.
And acts like a general well-rounded grown-up.

The one who won’t wobble in heels.
Brushes her eyebrows.
Waxes her legs.
And can lipstick her lips.

The one who will get her act together,
in time to make babies before her fertility shrivels up.
As in, get a car.
A career.
A mortgage.
A spouse.

The one who can time travel
who is part of a community
who knows where she comes from
and where she is going
who speaks the languages of her ancestors
knows enough of their rituals to share them with the next generations
who has no time for racists or sexists or creeps
who won’t be assimilated or erased or exoticized.

The one who finds balance
and purpose
and love.

i don’t know how to become that woman

except by being one who wanders too much
works to much
thinks too much
is hopeful
searching
asking

except by being one who, wanting
to grow up to write stories worth reading
but worried that she had nothing to say, decided
to try living first

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2 thoughts on “Becoming

  1. thank you for this. i just discovered your blog via someone’s posting on this poem on FB. Very much relating to this on a personal level, void of any cultural associations. then i browsed through your other poems and am really identifying with some of your other experiences as well. I too am just starting to find my way back to my chinese roots – food-wise, language-wise, family-wise (one of my attempts is this: http://www.redpocketfarm.com). I am fully Chinese, born in Hong Kong but grew up in Canada, more or less as a ‘banana girl’ or ‘jook sing’ though I don’t technically fit that description seeing as I was not born in Canada. Anyhow, rambling on…all to say – thanks for your poetry. I lived in Victoria and Saskatoon – 4 years each (used to attend the poetry slam nights regularly) – so am relating to your experiences geographically too! Thanks and I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

  2. Rongxu Qiu

    We will never be a person was to be or should to be. We own our own life and have our own life path. That is built on our mom & dad, our teachers, friends, the environment we live. We can or should not duplicate other people’s life, and also the environment we live.

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